Living student life.

I am a student, still learning... more often just trying to make it through... There's not much ambitiousness inside me....When others dream of the moon, the stars appear diamonds to me<---ok ape tah sye merepek nih?

today, i officially congratulate myself and my friends for making through this the 3rd year. Most of us made it through though some don't. After going through a lot of near-fail situations; I must say, it must be tough for them, and there's no words that i can say to ease that burden, but i wish you stay strong and keep on trying... 

This clinical years is especially tough...i lack communication skills.... id withdrew from speeches...im antisocial....im the kind of person who if she graduate from this medical school is likely to become a pathologist, or a whateve that dont concern communication with people...Terokkan?

I don't know...

This clinical years gave me quite a lot of anxiousness...

In the beginning of each posting, there is a feeling of determination..to make it through and to pass (sometimes the aim is to come out of the exam smiling, considering i actually cried after the second posting exams). then come the duties..to society, to parents, to family and to friends.. Those got me busy, but still i was just looking for a pass.. then comes the revision period.. revision period in clinical years are always exhausting.. I wish it would just past by...or id rather we dont even have revision period.. it is the time when i dont want to study but i dont want to do anything else other than studying...and just before the exams i am already greeting the holidays, so exams are just something routine. Well especially if you have one day between the theories and the clinicals'...

the most frustating of all is always the waiting... the waiting for the results...owh i swear how each moment is filled with anxiety...each and every moment is a curse to all the relaxing moments i had through the posting..a feeling of anger, depression, bargaining and what not. And you know, at this point of time, because of my yoyo awesomeness, malasness, and whateverness prior to exam had let me to belief that i too a roller coaster ride with no seat belts, still riding... only until it stops i know im safe

and all this is only relieved by the results... 

the moment that comes next is only thankfulness..alhamdulillah, i pass, Alhamdulillah, i actually had been here...praising LORD for His Graciousness, Praising LORD for His kindness.. That He put us here, and what ever the tantrums we try to pullover, He still make us through...and never regretting each moment of trust...

yeah so that is clinical years for me..

Im an Ice princess!!!

Cool...

yup... ive been trying hard that i even become cold...I used to think that being able to just smile in the midst of people who laughs would be cool... Being able to show you are happy even at the moment that you are actually overexcited is cool.... And I know too, that being able to smile when you are so depressed and full of anger or sadness, would be cool...

Then I try so hard to control me emotions..Smile just adequately..but somehow, i have actually forgotten how to smile... Stretching my mouth ears to ears, but they know, my heart don't smile..

First I though that was cool. until I meet more people, and when they crack a joke, i would spontaneously smile. .. And one of the most obvious tag lines are " hey, look at her, she's smiling." First i though this is ordinary, but its not, when it is said by more than one person from different places.. They say, haa, ms tiyy is emotionless.

She smiles, but she dont look happy. She is sad, but she dont look sad.

In time it becomes hard to decipher her thoughts.

And, hey i thought this is advantage for me... I really have become an ice princess

Why do you exist?

This is a true story...

Because, I was there. Im a girl and Ive the urge to tell. If I'm wrong, remind me.

3 hours passed since she came to the labour room. As the labour progresses, her husband was invited. I saw in her eyes, hope for help. She cried, hubby, im in pain! For the lady in pain, being with your beloved in that greatest moment of pain was a lot of support.

I had seen lots of deliveries. I have existed in the delivery room for quite a number of times. There was the man who is romantic. Seeing wife in pain, he tried to look for solution. Even if he could not help to share or take away the pain, he was there. There, and being there is more than enough. Then there was that man who just could not care less. I told him, it was maghrib, and he should leave for prayer and to my dismay he left for the mall across the street. He was not there yet he existed. And there was the elderly couple. He was worried of recurrent stroke, and he had reason.  He existed, yet he sent his care. ensuring the PICs would take good care of his wife and child. He existed.

Yes, I'm judging people. This people are not really part of my life, they are merely lessons to learn from.

Then there was the other couple. I saw the lady, she was beautiful. not to mention her long straight hair. Her eyes were big, she was so malay looking, that i wont deny her of her beauty. She was cool. Had nothing to complaint of pain, until her husband walks in. I saw hope in her eyes, that someone she could trust was there to lend her help. 

I saw her holding his hands as a madam often do during labour. she grabbed his arms, strong, wishing that pain would flow through. " Kuat sangaaaattt nih!", he shouted. 

I was there. and of no help.

I told him. 'Leave, go sit at the end of the bed.'

The pain was worsening, she was unable to bear it. So I call the nurse, telling her. Maybe its time. 

Then she attempted delivery. The second part of labour. It was supposed to be the most painful part of labour. And she was trying but, not very successful. I was not surprised as this was her first delivery.

The husband was impatient. He was scary. I was wondering why he existed.

KUAT LAGI TERAN TUUU

KO NAK BABY TU MATI KAT SITU KE

KALAU BABY MATI, AKU TANAM KAU HIDUP-HIDUP.

He had no shame. The whole ward could hear his voice, he was louder than the most scariest of the staff nurse.

So then the labour proceeds. The fetal head was moulding and visible to all eyes present. It was the most exciting moment for me. There is nothing more pleasing than seeing a baby coming out and taking the first cry. It was all rainbows. It felt like gold coming out of mothers uterus. Even more precious than that, a LIFE. She was working hard. and this is when the most unacceptable thing happeneing in my life. And for me to say how gross it is.. the mind that imagine can never compare to the eyes that see.and the eyes that see, can never know the pain of what the body feels.

It was at the moment of pushing. The moment of extraordary pain that the husband slaps the wife. The head was straight and totally falls to the other side if the bed.

"Aku da hilang sabar dah ni!"

and he took out another punch aiming to the face, and not thinking twice... not at all.... 

It was soo horror that the eyes that witnessed, only had mouths to say, be patient, it is normal to be like this.

The matron came and tried to ask him to leave.

ADEK,   KO NAK HALAU AKU KE???. HALAU LA KALAU KAU BERANI!!!

SUKA HATI MAK BAPAK AKU LAH APA AKU NAK BUAT!!!!

There was tears in the eyes of his wife. 

Again I ask, why do you exist?

I saw pain, to wish i would not able to bear. A glimpse of hope, the help she sought turned into disaster.

Thus I decided to get involved. I took tha lady and told the man to stand and watch, otherwise leave.

I held her abdomen with one hand, and guarded her head with the other, teaching her how to push. 

The baby finally come out. He was immediately kicked out of the delivery room. NO matter what, the horror is still here, vivid in my memories

From Abu Hurairah r.a:

A man came to Rasulullah s.a.w and said,

O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship?

Rasulullah s.a.w said,

Your mother.

Then who?

Then your mother.

Then who?

Then your mother.

Then who?

Then your father.

(narrated by Bukhari, Muslim)

The Donation-A2G3

It was last weekend the 14th and 15th of april when we give our ALL in search for donation for the Aqsa2 Gaza3 mission about to take place in May. It seems to be a tough job in the beginning. Questions that came in our heart were: how do we get donations? sitting at one corner and boom, the donation box gets full....NO, we dont have any genie in the bottle.

We were representatives for Aqsa Syarif, a non governmental body that are determined to help Palestinians. The mission was to alarm the Kuantan community on the issue of  Palestine and why we are eager to help those people. Minor survey was done and found that Palestine is often described as 'Kawasan Perang, or Tempat Orang Berbunuhan'...and no, they are not wrong... they were right. However, it would be nicer to describe it as the Muslim Land. As it is the place where the first Kiblah was, the house of Adam, an not to mention that majority of Prophets came from there. and Rasulullah, at his darkest moments when his wife and uncle passed away, and the da'wah in Taif was a failure, was brought by Allah to Masjidil Aqsa even before he was ascended to heaven. And had not Allah mentioned how blessed that land is in Al-Isra?

The other misconception that we faced were the coming of al-Mahdi. A lady came into our booth, scarfless but claimed to be a Muslim. and she tries to tell us that there is no need for boycotts and donations coz' one day al-Mahdi will come aroud and BOooOOm the world gets to be a better place once more... I'd like to suggest if  your minds has such a thinking, why not read the seerah of Rasulullah. For when he came, he was a saviour too. and in his course, many of the sahabahs had to fought. and no its not Ka-BoooOOm and Islam is here 14 century later.

However, a midst the ignorance, being humans and Muslims, not one shut their ears to the word donation. When approached. almost non refused to help... even with the help of few cents, we would ensure them that every deed is counted in Allah's eyes. 

The tactic was to approach the crowd, tell them the issue of Palestine, the crisis, and what is Aqsa syarif, what have they done, and the latest updates. We'd inform them too, where their donations would go too. Our target groups were kids, adolescents, adults, be them Muslims or not.

Must I mention, our team and the volunteering committees were very successful. we set out to I-FEST Megamall Kuantan to gather donation total up to RM3500, but yeah here I would like to brag and express how thankful and how pleased we are of the Kuantan community as their donations reached RM 5978. This amount was then added with a sum of donations that were contributed by the akhwats of IIUM Kuantan. And by the greatnes of Allah, it should um up to more than rm7000. ALHAMDULILLAH!

There is one Question that arose in my heart during collecting the donation. They were a few non Muslims, Chinese and Indians, who glad-fully helped to fill the donation box in large amounts. But, my heart is more inclined to call them to Islam and being in-experienced, i did nothing but pray that their hearts become enlightened with the brightness of Islam and one day, they become Muslims too...owh da'wah, y u no easy???

never knew.

There was a man, an illiterate, who lived His life full of honesty that people knew him as the al-Amin. He was a man an idol to me. Because of Him, there's peace in this world, there's peace inside me. He preaches the good, and forbids the evil. but he was an illiterate, an orphan too.. Yes, who knew that an illiterate man was destined to become a prophet?

Question is who knew what is to become of the future? whoever you are right now is not the obstacle to what is to become in the future.

During the war of Khandaq, the Kuffars were advancing in attempt to destroy Islam forever. They come from the front, from the back by a truce with the jews. promising them that victory is clear for them. But digging trenches was the only what Muslims can do. And those who were weak in their faith, their hearts shall tremble to the obviousness of the day of the doom.

Nonetheless, the prophet struck a stone and shouted "ALLAHUAKBAR". A glimpse of light came from the stone. Once, twice then thrice and the stone breaks apart. Each time with the cheers of "ALLAHUAKBAR" (ALLAH the GREATEST). The Prophet say I see from the lights that one day Islam shall enter the gates of Persia, then it will enter the gates of the Rome, and Islam shall conquer the whole universe.

So who knew that Islam would live through that day?

So what an idiot would think of when someone tells her that someday you would walk in to the university gates? That everybody has got their offer letter and she was still waiting for a reply, rejected or accepted doesnt really matter she said. Just a reply she sought for. And what a medical student who did so badly in an exam would know that she will or will not make it to be a doctor?

Who knows?

He Knows, and He has Plans..As a slave I shall live to believe in HIm, that all I could do is try my best and keep believing.

Now-inspired~  =)

Sacrifice

Something new..

A new experience indeed! clinical years, ahh, its just unexpectedly too fun...

Lord, if i could repeat this posting not because i fail the exams, i would..anyways, 5th year kan ade lagi?

hee....left in the paediatric posting, i had so much fun...HOSHAS was definitely da'BOMB!!!

ha, nilah perasaannye after exam...boleh tak? padahal tadi baru kene maki, caci dek doctor..taktaula ape masalah ngan euphoria nih!mungkin sebab da abes exam kot...

if others are worrying, im just 'too' prepared to fail, to repeat, but i dunno why im like this...deep inside: Yep im lying, sape tah nak fail exam kalau boleh lepas smoothly je, esp if others can, y cant we?....perhaps i need to take a break reflect myself and understand y im here...coz sometimes im just so lost...taktau ape motif nk jadi dr.? tak tau nape ade kat uia?. taktau nape gi hospital? have you ever felt that aimless....

even saying tak kesah kalau fail ke mende ke nih...im worried one thing only...satu je!!! ti ape nk kate kat parents? ape nk kate kat Allah? ape nk kate?? kawan2??? perhaps the least of my worries, they would say you shud try harder!tak pon theyd say jangan risau, this is the first exam...i noe...friends are just too nice...but what do i say to my parents? "ma, ba, Ms Tiyyrus fail exam tadi".....fuhhh, tak rase nak bayangkan pon cemane diorg react...

i think i did really badly exam tadi.. bole x x prasan down syndrome? padahal hri tuh gelakkan MO marah HO tak recognize down syndrome....kan, padan muka, kene balik muke sendiri! dalam exam plak tuh

anyhow, i think everybody enjoyed their first posting....tak kesahlah paeds ke, IM ke, OnG ke, Surg ke....ade yang nanges, ade yg ketawa... i dun think u can survive life without those two....it has to come together!! anyway time kite baby pon, kite belajar nanges dlu, baru belaja senyum...kan? but da besar nih lupe plak nk nanges, tak cool la kalau nanges, tak sylo kan? apelah kite nih, padahal org yg tak menanges tuh lagi merisaukan dari org yang menanges... bukan org beriman tuh lagi byk nanges ke dari ketawa? hmm, kadang kite lupe, minta Allah bagi petunjuk...ameen